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Month: September 2019

No Victory Without Cost

FANDOM: 魔道祖师 | Mo Dao Zu Shi
CHARACTERS: Nie Huaisang, Jin Guangyao
PAIRING: Jin Guangyao/Nie Huaisang
RATING: General
TAGS/WARNINGS: Introspection, Complicated Relationships
NOTES: Written for SangYao Week 2019, Day 1 – Gamble 😀 I originally meant to write something softer, but then I….didn’t. So here we are~

Controlling my feelings for too long
Trying to please you for too long
Makes me scream your screams

Jin Guangyao’s pleasantness was his mask, but Nie Huaisang needed his own way, something unpredictable, and so he cashed in his dignity for a better shot at a winning hand.

Every stage of their relationship had been a series of risks and rewards, from the very beginning to the final result. There were sweet compliments and kisses stolen behind a fan, and the thoughtful gifts that accompanied every visit were a bright spot in an otherwise spartan lifestyle. But any hint was kept hidden for the sake of everyone’s safety and reputation, and the stakes got higher with every passing week until—

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Save Your Breath

FANDOM: 魔道祖师 | Mo Dao Zu Shi
CHARACTERS: Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao, Su She
PAIRING: Lan Xichen/Jin Guangyao
RATING: Explicit
TAGS/WARNINGS: Time Travel Fix-It, Loyalty Kink, Porn with Feelings, Trans Jin Guangyao, Songfic
NOTES: I have reached the point in my life where I’ve decided to not apologize for anything I’ve ever wanted to write, ever, which is why I unironically wrote a songfic in the year 2019. Enjoy some fix-it xiyaos 😀 And as always, mind the tags, please- though if you’ve read my Magi fics, you shouldn’t be too surprised XD

Song in question is Save Your Breath by Adore Delano, with some slight changes for artistic license.

Time slips by, immeasurable and inescapable, only changed by knowledge and determination and a willingness to make sacrifices, and Lan Xichen breaks through the cycle with hope for a second chance and a different outcome.

silence is all we heard
you know, our last goodbye
keeps playing through my mind


In some ways, his days in seclusion pass quickly, weeks and months and perhaps years blurring together into a single stream of guilt and regret that Lan Xichen still hasn’t grasped how he should handle and come to terms with. And yet, it’s so painfully slow, because everything recollection is a repetitive noose of his failures; when he’s lost track of what day it is, how can he fathom the concept of time? It’s cyclical, a never ending reminder of how cold and unfeeling fate can be.

He’s an observer in his own life, an afterthought, an outsider influencing nothing- because everything is something that reminds him of what he didn’t do. And it all plays out in his head, every broken promise and pretty lie and years of trust, and Lan Xichen is so very tired of crying over what he can’t change. But Jin Guangyao left a hole in his heart and his life that he can’t mend.

Lan Xichen reads to fill the emptiness around him, every line of Righteousness as if it could give some sort of new meaning, and then scrolls on new cultivation techniques and theories, and learning makes the painful blur of time somewhat more bearable. It slips by through the lines of text, seasons change, and Lan Xichen keeps replaying their final conversation, desperately searching for any meaning or closure the words hold.


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