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No Victory Without Cost

FANDOM: 魔道祖师 | Mo Dao Zu Shi
CHARACTERS: Nie Huaisang, Jin Guangyao
PAIRING: Jin Guangyao/Nie Huaisang
RATING: General
TAGS/WARNINGS: Introspection, Complicated Relationships
NOTES: Written for SangYao Week 2019, Day 1 – Gamble 😀 I originally meant to write something softer, but then I….didn’t. So here we are~

Controlling my feelings for too long
Trying to please you for too long
Makes me scream your screams

Jin Guangyao’s pleasantness was his mask, but Nie Huaisang needed his own way, something unpredictable, and so he cashed in his dignity for a better shot at a winning hand.

Every stage of their relationship had been a series of risks and rewards, from the very beginning to the final result. There were sweet compliments and kisses stolen behind a fan, and the thoughtful gifts that accompanied every visit were a bright spot in an otherwise spartan lifestyle. But any hint was kept hidden for the sake of everyone’s safety and reputation, and the stakes got higher with every passing week until—

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Save Your Breath

FANDOM: 魔道祖师 | Mo Dao Zu Shi
CHARACTERS: Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao, Su She
PAIRING: Lan Xichen/Jin Guangyao
RATING: Explicit
TAGS/WARNINGS: Time Travel Fix-It, Loyalty Kink, Porn with Feelings, Trans Jin Guangyao, Songfic
NOTES: I have reached the point in my life where I’ve decided to not apologize for anything I’ve ever wanted to write, ever, which is why I unironically wrote a songfic in the year 2019. Enjoy some fix-it xiyaos 😀 And as always, mind the tags, please- though if you’ve read my Magi fics, you shouldn’t be too surprised XD

Song in question is Save Your Breath by Adore Delano, with some slight changes for artistic license.

Time slips by, immeasurable and inescapable, only changed by knowledge and determination and a willingness to make sacrifices, and Lan Xichen breaks through the cycle with hope for a second chance and a different outcome.

silence is all we heard
you know, our last goodbye
keeps playing through my mind


In some ways, his days in seclusion pass quickly, weeks and months and perhaps years blurring together into a single stream of guilt and regret that Lan Xichen still hasn’t grasped how he should handle and come to terms with. And yet, it’s so painfully slow, because everything recollection is a repetitive noose of his failures; when he’s lost track of what day it is, how can he fathom the concept of time? It’s cyclical, a never ending reminder of how cold and unfeeling fate can be.

He’s an observer in his own life, an afterthought, an outsider influencing nothing- because everything is something that reminds him of what he didn’t do. And it all plays out in his head, every broken promise and pretty lie and years of trust, and Lan Xichen is so very tired of crying over what he can’t change. But Jin Guangyao left a hole in his heart and his life that he can’t mend.

Lan Xichen reads to fill the emptiness around him, every line of Righteousness as if it could give some sort of new meaning, and then scrolls on new cultivation techniques and theories, and learning makes the painful blur of time somewhat more bearable. It slips by through the lines of text, seasons change, and Lan Xichen keeps replaying their final conversation, desperately searching for any meaning or closure the words hold.


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One of Many Such Experiences

FANDOM: 魔道祖师 | Mo Dao Zu Shi
CHARACTERS: Lan Xichen, Jin Guangyao
PAIRING: Lan Xichen/Jin Guangyao
TAGS/WARNINGS: Canon-Typical Alcohol Use, Fluff, First Kiss
NOTES: I stumbled on the XiYao Week twitter today and got inspired to participate!!! Not sure if I’ll be able to do something for every day – especially since I’m starting so late, whoops! – but I had fun writing this anyway 😀

Meng Yao – Jin Guangyao now, though he’ll always be A-Yao in his mind – has been there for most of the important events in Lan Xichen’s life, both good and bad. Sometimes he’s a comfort after a tragedy and other times he’s there to celebrate a success, but for today, he’s a friend to share some confiscated alcohol with.

Lan Xichen gets lost thinking about his good friend, and learns that he gets a little touchy while inebriated.

Meng Yao – Jin Guangyao now, though he’ll always be A-Yao in his mind – has been there for most of the important events in Lan Xichen’s life, both good and bad. Sometimes he’s a comfort after a tragedy and other times he’s there to celebrate a success, but for today, he’s a friend to share a small bottle of Emperor’s Smile with. He had confiscated it from a younger disciple on his way out of the Cloud Recesses, and it had seemed like such a waste to throw it away when he had a good friend who would enjoy it as his destination.

Now, he’s not so sure it was such a good idea. It’s no secret that the GusuLan Sect bans alcohol, though that hasn’t stopped Lan Xichen from enjoying some on rare occasions- though always while away from home, with friends, and most importantly, in privacy. But that means he’s not a regular drinker, and his tolerance can’t match someone who lives in Lanling, where alcohol flows freely at the multitude of celebrations and banquets in Carp Tower.

A-Yao is telling him about a ceremony of sorts that he organized recently and the praise he received for his careful handling of it – his father even gave it passing notice, much to his delight – but Lan Xichen finds him attention drifting from the story, mind wandering as his gaze falls on A-Yao’s mouth. There’s something distracting in how it moves as he talks, lips parting softly through words, pausing only to take small, dignified sips of his wine, before he smiles gently at Lan Xichen. He has such cute dimples, he muses, thinking about how lucky anyone that A-Yao truly smiles at is, to see him soften from the ever-present politeness to something more genuine around those he trusts.

Lan Xichen gets lost thinking about how lucky he is to be witness to it so frequently, before finally realizing that the pause in conversation has stretched longer than usual, and he glances up to see that A-Yao is looking at him expectantly.

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Love Conquers All…or not

FANDOM: Harry Potter
CHARACTER: Draco Malfoy
PAIRING: Draco/Hermione
RATING: General
NOTES: A snapshot into the past, aka I was still writing very angsty drabbles in the middle of the night, even all the way back in 2005.

Draco reflects…kinda sad. But thoughtful.

Looking back was something he wasn’t fond of. And yet he was. It was a time of naïveté for them both. He’d risked everything for her. He’d loved her more than anything, and she him. They believed that their love could conquer anything.

Somehow, they had believed that they could conquer his parents’ anger. How very naïve of them. His father’s hate of muggle-borns was too deeply ingrained in his mind to ever be overlooked, especially for something so “petty” as love.

Love conquers all…ha. At his wedding announcement, his parents had promptly disowned him. He’d lost all his supposed friends. They’d been hiding since they had been wed. Former Death Eaters would kill him for betraying them and consorting for a mudblood.

For her, he’d given up his paradise, lost his Eden. But it was all worth it, because once he thought about it, she was his paradise.

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Wait, we did WHAT?

FANDOM: InuYasha
CHARACTERS: Sango, Miroku, Higurashi Kagome, InuYasha
PAIRINGS: Miroku/Sango, InuYasha/Kagome
TAGS/WARNINGS: Modern AU, Accidental Las Vegas Wedding, Fluff, Humor
NOTES: Abandoned and unfinished (6 out of ?? chapters).

Stuck in Vegas together as part of their friends’ engagement celebration, Miroku and Sango end up getting quite drunk one night. Oh, if only there weren’t so many 24-hour chapels…

Sango rolled over and grabbed at her pillow, trying to block out the terrible ringing sound that had woken her from her peaceful slumber. ‘Oh wait, that’s just the phone. Damned phone, ringing so early in the morning…’ Unfortunately, the phone didn’t want to stop ringing, so Sango eventually had to answer.

“…hello?” she answered groggily.

“Sango-chan! You won’t believe it! Inuyasha proposed!” an over bubbly voice exclaimed.

“Kagome-chan? Is that you?” Sango asked, still not completely awake.


“Why are you calling so early?”

“Didn’t you listen to what I just said!” Kagome said, exasperated.

“Uh…Inuyasha proposed?” Sango answered, though it hadn’t yet sunk in. ‘Wait…’ “HE PROPOSED!”


“Oh gods, Kagome-chan, you’re getting MARRIED! I’m so excited for you!”

“And we’re taking you and Miroku-san to Las Vegas this weekend to celebrate!”

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The End

FANDOM: InuYasha
CHARACTER: Higurashi Kagome
TAGS/WARNINGS: Angst, Canon Divergence, Implied Character Death
NOTES: Written well before the end of the manga (hence the canon divergence!)

Kagome reflects on the time of Inuyasha’s wish on the Shikon no Tama to present. Dark, tragic, all that good stuff.

Out of their rag-tag team of fighters, I hadn’t expected myself to be the one to outlive everyone else. If I had been asked, I would have guessed Inuyasha, maybe Shippou. But Fate has a funny way of playing out.

It had been a pure and noble wish; that was for certain. A hanyou, wishing for a human to have his lifespan. That was exactly how he had worded it, too. After that final, bloody battle with Naraku, I handed him the jewel. The accursed thing that had taken us close to a year to complete, I handed it to him to do with as he pleased. I remember it clearly. Inuyasha hadn’t hesitated. He held it tightly in his hard for a moment, and then made his wish.

‘Please, Shikon no Tama, give Kagome my lifespan.’ So very noble. With his lifespan, we would live together forever. Everlasting love. The jewel had glowed brightly before vanishing. And it had given Inuyasha exactly what he had asked for. I got his lifespan. HIS. The jewel had taken what he said completely literally. By giving me Inuyasha’s lifespan, he was left with one of a human.

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Pikachu’s Abandon

FANDOM: Pokémon
CHARACTERS: Pikachu, Ash Ketchum, Jessie, James, Meowth
RATING: General
NOTES: This was written sometime in fall 2003 before being posted to, so please forgive the very obvious age of it! I haven’t done any editing since, because I’m trying to preserve all my old fics as they were.

Pikachu decides to pick who she likes better, Team Rocket or Ash. . . .

“Prepare for trouble!”

“And make it double!”

“To protect the world from devastation!”

“To unite all people -“

“Oh, not the stupid motto again! All you want is my Pikachu, so why do we have to listen to this every time?!” Ash yelled angrily at Team Rocket. I hate them. They’re pure evil. All they want to do is take my best friend away from me!

“You interrupted our motto! Stupid twerp!” Jessie yelled back down from her perch in their Meowth balloon.

“Stop arguin’ and put our plan in ta action!” Meowth said to his human companions.

Jessie and James then used a giant vacuum attached to their balloon to try to suck up Pikachu.

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